I am falling

I don’t know for how long.
I don’t know if I ever get used to it.
I don’t know if I ever hit the ground.

All I know is that I am falling.

There is not much to do while falling,
except for thinking.
Thinking is both good and bad.
Good because it might distract you.
Bad because it might let all the anxiety drown you.
When I think about society
and all its cruelty,
it makes me sad.

I used to say that I hate people.
That was the truth.
But I didn’t wanted it to be the truth,
it was an awful way to be.
But the human race gave me no comfort.
I found myself turning to books and films for comfort.
It was repulsive,
because one’s life consists of people,
not things.
Other times,
I think I just hated what people have done to me.
The pure hatred some people have for other human beings…
I just don’t understand it.
Now,
where I look back
to the hatred that ruined my time growing up,
I realize that I allowed people to keep me down
because I didn’t respect myself enough to stand up and defend myself.
That does not excuse the rivers of tears I had to drown in,
but it shows me that I couldn’t learn to love myself in that enviroment.

I am important

You have your own mind.
Think what you want.
Believe in what you want.
Do what you want.
Do what makes you happy.
But never let anyone endure sorrow you inflicted.

So many thoughts,
my head hurts.

I am just one voice,
alone,
in an ocean of nothing,
falling.
But then I hear a voice.
I see you.
You say my name
and everything stops.
I can feel the river freezing,
not cold,
warm,
heartwarming.
The river becomes a stream.
The stream becomes a creek.
The creek becomes a brook.
The brook vanishes and leaves a flower.
A flower of life.
All the thinking,
all the bad thoughts,
replaced by life.
You are here because I need help.
I can’t do this all by myself.
I try to say thank you,
but the words are stuck in my throat.
I feel like the clouds in my eyes want to soak the first taste of happiness.
I fight.
I think of all the good things that have happened to me.
All the good people that the world has to offer.
I see you smile at me

and I stop falling.

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